Thursday, January 24, 2013

Home Is Where The Heart Is


Home Is Where The Heart Is

Share via email
I’m sure I’m not the only sister who loves her home and whose home can be her palace and an integral part of her life. So Muslim women aren’t technically ‘the head of the household’ but that is fine by me. We have wealth of opportunity, creativity and blessing right at our finger tips in the form of our duties as women in the home – be it as wives, mothers, sisters or daughters.
Traditionally and in some cultures more than others, there is a stereotypical view of the “little woman tied to the kitchen sink” whilst the men sit with their feet up issuing orders: “cup of tea!!!”. Non-Muslims and perhaps non-Muslim women in particular, can have a negative impression that we are not encouraged or even permitted to leave the home, that we are almost no more than domestic servants left to cook clean and tidy up and that this must be oppressive ( yes that ‘O word’! tsk tsk…) leaving us unable to fulfill our potential. I beg to differ – in fact, Islam begs to differ and Allah s.w.t DOES differ! Our Deen and our Muslim culture puts us ladies on a (kitchen) pedestal in the best possible way – it bestows on us domestic duties as wives or mothers that enable us great responsibility, great opportunity and great freedom to express ourselves and grow, right in the comfort of our own homes, USING our homes. We have a chance to build the foundations of the home and family so why do so many see this as trivial and inadequate?
What is a home? Well it’s more than just bricks and mortar, a place to lay your head or eat your dinner. If we look at how Allah s.w.t has described our homes in the Qur’an we can begin to understand a little more about the potential and blessings which we have been given:
“And Allah has made for you in your homes an abode…” [Qur’an 16:80]
An ‘abode’ by definition in the English Language is a ‘dwelling place’ or a place where someone ‘lives’. And that is entirely correct; Allah s.w.t has given us homes as a means and place to live life. It is a place that no matter our own personal gripes with our existing home ( “it’s too small”, “it needs decorating”  “the neighbours are too noisy”) it is our personal private space that is an fundamental part of living our lives as Muslims.
Staying with the point of gripes with home, I have been queen of this in the past astifrugallah. First thing in the morning especially I can be a bit of a moaning monster and the kitchen seems especially awkward and small when seen through bleary sleepy eyes (ask those who know me!! I’m sorry all. :-D). Whilst this is no excuse, it’s very easy to take the home we may currently have for granted and moan that we want a bigger kitchen, a better garden etc.
Consider your situation in respect of the reality of today’s world: if you have a home, in some shape or form, a place to sleep tonight, then you are more fortunate than the vast majority of the world’s people. In 2000 Donella Meadows published a report called ‘The State of the Village Report’ which discussed the proportion of the world’s state and identity if the world were reduced in ratio to a village of 100 people.  From her report, the UN and Sustainability Institute undertook a study called ‘Miniature Earth’ which you can find out more about here : http://www.miniature-earth.com . Amongst its revelations, it concludes that if you have a bed, a fridge, a wardrobe ( that’s a closet by the way) and roof over your head, then you are richer that 75% of the world’s population. 75%  – that’s 3/4s for those of you who are poor at Maths like me…..I hope to never forget that statistic and give myself a good knock back into line when I’m moaning. It is estimated that over 100 million people in the world are currently homeless, subhanAllah. No matter our current homes, for what we have been given which we should always be grateful:
Verily Allah is full of bounty to mankind, but most of them are ungrateful.” [Qur’an 10:60]
Not only is our home a blessing for us but it is a source of peace for which we can draw so much blessing as Muslims. The great scholar Ibn Katheer summarized this beautifully masha’allah in respect of the ayat above and in his wise words:
Ibn Katheer (ra) said: “Here Allah, may He be blessed and exalted, is mentioning His complete blessing to His slaves: He has given them homes which are a peaceful abode for them, to which they retreat as a haven which covers them and gives them all kinds of benefits.”
So we don’t need to be house-proud to be grateful of our homes but I do feel the need to point out something quite clearly that concerns me. This doesn’t mean we should be dirty!!! Ok the blunt approach sorry but sometimes you just have to spit it out…. we are supposed to be the cleanest of people right?? Why is it then that I have seen a number of Muslim homes (naming no names!) whose abodes of peace and blessing have been left to a slow decline of grime and slime?? Have you ever seen that TV programme in the UK ‘How Clean is Your House?’  – If not check it out. Those ladies are after my own heart! I’ve been in homes where there are spillages on the floor which have been there months and not wiped up, now dried into sticky fluffy stain that nothing short of corrosive bleach is going to shift. Sofas, carpets, curtains which have never seen soap suds or a decent hoover and baths, sinks and toilets which have really seen more things than I even care to think about. If you have a family then you can’t expect your home to be immaculate and tidy all the time – that ‘lived-in look’ is fine when it comes to clutter and things don’t stay brand new nor do they need to be – but that lived-in-and-walked-the-dirt-around-a-few-hundred-times is NOT cool. It demonstrates if nothing else, a clear lack of respect for the blessing that we have. Some Muslims also have the misconception that Non-Muslims are not as clean as us and whose homes are not clean at all. Let me tell you, as someone who grew up in a Non-Muslim family, that the vast majority of Non-Muslims homes I have been in are very clean – and in many cases could put some certain Muslim’s homes to shame!! The Messenger of Allah, (s.a.w.) said: “Cleanliness is half of faith…” (Bukhari) – HALF!!! (maths lesson number 2 – that’s 50% ;) ) Ponder on that insha’Allah. Perhaps it’s time to get the duster out!! If our homes are so important and can provide us such blessing insha’Allah, then why do so many of our Muslim homes need a deep clean and exfoliate?? Consider the 75% of the world who don’t have a home – if they saw how some of us who do have homes keep them, what would they say?? Shame, that is what they would say, shame. Makes you think right? Before you panic though, us ladies don’t have to do all the household work. Just because we are women with domestic responsibilities doesn’t mean the men in our households can get off scott-free by way of claiming its tradition and religion. Uh-uh, no way mate. Look at the wonderful example of our Prophet (s.a.w):
The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w.) used to “sew his own clothes, mend his own shoes and do whatever other work men do in their homes.” (Reported by Imam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/121; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 4927).
Narrated by ‘Aa’isha (ra) when asked what the Prophet (s.a.w.) was like at home, she said: “He was like any other human being: he would clean his clothes, milk his ewe and serve himself.” (Reported by Imaam Ahmad in al-Musnad, 6/256; al-Silsilat al-Saheehah, 671).
Feel free to bring this to the attention of your husband/brother should he ever need a gentle nudge ;)
As women, our home is actually the safest place for us too. In the Qur’an, we are told
“And stay in your houses, and do not display yourselves like that of the times of ignorance…” [Qur’an 33:33].
This is wise advice for us, since our home is, or should be, a place free from haraam or temptation to haraam and a place where we can relax in peace. However this should not be taken to mean that we should not go out and that we cannot have an education, a working life or social life. On the contrary it emphasizes the need and provision of the guidance of the concept of hijab and hayya when outside of the home and that within our home, we can feel secure and comfortable in respect of safeguarding ourselves and our Deen.
This commandment to consider the home as a place which is a safe haven for us comes with responsibility. As wives, we have certain rights and duties. Our husbands may be charged with taking care of providing for the family financially and in terms of ensuring the security of the roof over the family’s heads but we have the duty towards maintaining the home in another respect. We may not be the head of the household family but we have a duty to protect our homes for our husband and family:
“Your rights over your women are that they should not allow anyone to sit on your beds whom you dislike, or allow anyone into your homes whom you dislike.” (Reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1163).
This relates to the safety of our homes and to safeguarding ourselves physically, safeguarding our children but also safeguarding our privacy with respect to our personal space and affairs. Quite simply, those uninvited guests or nosy neighbours are really not on! Curtain-twitchers included!! As Muslims living in communities, this also means it is up to us to each ensure we don’t put one another in a difficult position. If you are fed up of struggling to suddenly stretch your dinner for an unexpected guest whilst rushing to dress appropriately and wishing you had bothered to run the hoover , remember this:
“O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them, that is better for you, in order that you may remember. And if you find no one therein, still, enter not until permission has been given. And if you are asked to go back, go back, for it is purer for you. And Allaah is All-Knower of what you do.” [Qur’an 24:27-28].
If sharing these Qur’anic words has no affect on the amount of uninvited guests in your home, well…..then I can only suggest disconnecting the door-bell.
So if we are supposed to spend time in our homes, other than protecting it and cleaning it, what can we do?? Recitation of Qur’an and prayer are amongst some of the most important activities you can do in your home to protect it.
The Messenger of Allah (s.a.w) said: “Do not make your houses into graves. The Shaytaan flees from a house in which Surat al-Baqarah is recited.” (Reported by Muslim, 1/539)
In addition to recitation of Qur’an and prayer there are many ways in today’s modern world that you can maintain an education and a career from both within your home and from outside of it. If your family commitments, your childcare perhaps, mean that your days of going to college and work are a little more complicated, fear not. I’m writing this right now from the comfort of my sofa alhamdulillah – there’s a world of opportunity out there for us Muslim sisters and we should embrace it. Part of providing a home for your family is providing that of education within the home and helping your children to develop the correct balance between education/career and the importance of the family – for men and women.  Education is important, it can be used in so many beneficial ways but we need to strike an even keel and that means not forgetting or lamenting the opportunities within the home for us either. Going back to the ‘little woman tied to the kitchen sink’ – all I have to say is pfft! Those who think this is all we are, if they only knew the blessings and opportunity the role of the woman in the home can give – from cleaning, to cooking, to learning. There is much wisdom in the words ‘home is where the heart is’ – WE are the heart of the home and we can be the healthiest heart by creating and maintaining a home which is in accordance with Islam.
Alhamdulillah, what a beautiful thing this Deen is, a complete way of life, both indoors and out.

Open Panel


Blogroll